Marriage & A Pandemic

There’s no question that the affects of COVID-19 has turned the world upside down.  In ways that no one would have ever thought about.  A pandemic that has put everything to a halt and yet life still goes on.  Marriage and a pandemic is not a good mix.

Finding ways to reconnect to your spouse when you were used to just seeing each other a couple of times a day has become a real challenge for many.  It has shifted from just a couple of hours to day in and day out, day after day with no warning.  Major chaos with the marriage, the family, jobs and schooling.

Hold on to one another

The focus is to keep the marriage in check.  Meaningful conversation and quality time as husband and wife are most important during a pandemic.  Keeping things in the right order will make other areas of the household become a little more manageable.

A real effort is necessary to have a sense of peace and contentment.  The pandemic has a way of getting people off balance. However, being intentional to make your marriage work needs you.  A happy marriage is no accident.  There are certain ingredients needed to have a better marriage, just like making a cake.

Your marriage will require:

  1. Involving yourselves in meaningful conversations.  

If you want a peaceful marriage, you must be present.  Not just physically but emotionally and spiritually.  It’s great to have conversations about the day to day events in your spouse’s life, however, it’s good to get in the habit of involving yourselves with meaningful conversations about the important things going on in your marriage.  Find out what may be concerning to your spouse is a way to keep the communication lines open.

Ask how they are feeling and their thoughts during this time. If they have concerns, fears, anxiety, loneliness.

  1. Face problems early on.

    One of the keys to focus on your marriage and a pandemic is to express your concerns and your disappointments with your spouse in a timely manner. If something is bothering you and you don’t share it with your spouse in a timely manner, they won’t get the effect of what you are attempting to share.  A timely manner is after you have calmed down about the situation and can talk with a clear mindset.  Don’t allow unresolved conflicts to fester without appropriately expressing the way you feel. By expressing your feelings in a loving, honest and direct way, you allow you and your spouse the opportunity to work together towards an appropriate agreement.

  2. Giving praises to each other

    Be sure to acknowledge your spouse’s strengths and positive attributes. Be careful not to get too caught up in your everyday routine and responsibilities. Take a step back, take some time, and recognize your spouse for their contributions to the relationship. Remind them why you love them, how special they are to you and what you value most about them. Everyone wants to feel appreciated for what they do and who they are. Build your spouse up.

  3. Spend quality time together

    Having a family can consume a lot of energy and time which makes it difficult to find balance in all your roles and responsibilities. A healthy marriage is where you make a good effort to reserve some of your energy for your spouse. Make a good effort to reserve some of your energy for your spouse. Your spouse needs to feel and know that they matter to you and that they are still a priority for you. Let them know in your own special way that you enjoy being with them. Quality time deepens your intimacy, enhances communication and strengthens your bond.

  4. Have fun

    Life can be challenging, demanding, busy and I could keep going on and on about the difficulties it brings us sometimes.  Despite this, or better yet in spite of this, it’s important to create the time and space in your relationship to have fun. Laughter is good for the soul and it’s free! Did I mention FREE? It doesn’t have to take much to achieve this. You can plan fun activities you both enjoy doing or just be spontaneous and create new adventures. Whatever you decide to do, keep it simple and fun.

  5. Show unconditional positive regard toward your spouse during this pandemic

    This involves demonstrating complete acceptance and support of your spouse no matter what they say or do. When you married your spouse, you vowed to love each other in sickness and health, in good and bad times. Show unconditional positive regard for your spouse so they know that your love for them is not dependent on circumstances.  Marriage and a pandemic is not the best to keep your marriage strong.  However, this allows your spouse to feel safe to share anything with you, even if they know you will not like it. Acceptance does not mean that you endorse or condone a behavior. You can dislike a person’s behavior but still have unconditional positive regard for them. Only then can you experience the freedom of just being you as well as reaching deeper levels of intimacy in your marriage.

  6. Talk about Sex

    Don’t just have sex but have conversations about it. Talk about patterns, likes, dislikes, desires, fantasies, etc. Couples who have discussions about intimate topics are more likely to be healthier, happier and last longer. It’s easy to fall into sexual patterns in a relationship so having conversations about it allows you to evaluate those patterns to determine if there is a need or desire for change. It may seem a bit ridiculous but planning for sex ensures that you make it a priority in your relationship which will make you more likely to make time for it. You may need to talk about how to fit sex into your busy schedules. While planning is important flexibility is also needed. Be flexible, seek out opportunities to keep the intimate part of your relationship exciting while enduring the challenges of your marriage and a pandemic.  Time will come again to get away and enjoy each other.